We have all been there.  It’s the morning after the night before, your liver is screaming at you far too loudly, it feels like someone has been up all night using your brain as a trampoline as the unwelcome ray of light shoots into your eyes from a crack in the blinds, slicing straight through to your very soul.

Your stomach aches with a rollercoaster style sense of queasiness you cannot shake.  All your get up and go has gone.  You are a quivering wreck with a sweaty brow and cannot put into words the way you’re feeling.

If you are reading this nodding your head in agreement, then dollars to doughnuts you have got the worst mother of all hangovers ever?

Waking up to the morning tremblies, your tongue furrier than an Afghan Hound and the feeling a hamster has taken up residence in your mouth your alcohol-induced concussion and morning fog is the wrath of the grapes or grain or maybe both   You are left in no doubt of the severity of this hangover when even a fly arrives in doctor martens and decides to kick each wall it lands on. 

The headache is bad enough, but the nausea and lethargy are enough to make you feel as if you have been poisoned.

So, what are the best solutions, strangest remedies and cures on offer home and far away since time-honored traditions to unexpected and downright bizarre suggestions of how to nurse a hangover and make yourself feel normal again.  Every culture and country have their own hair-of-the-dog formulas to deep fried goodness with some seriously gross concoctions that surely must make you feel worse before better.  Maybe we can pick up a few tips or you may never want to drink again!

Back in Day

Ancient Rome

Fried like a Canary

Nothing quite like a deep-fried canary after an orgy of booze with ones head feeling like a chariot race going on. The Romans would forget the hair of the dog and instead choose the feather of the bird!  The small bird was deep fried simply with oil, salt, and pepper - yummy!

Ancient Greece

Breath of Stale Eggs

Not to be outdone the Greeks would indulge with a breakfast of sheep lungs and two owl eggs (just the twit two! – what a howler!)  This may now be quite challenging to get hold of given in some countries lungs have been declared unfit for human consumption.  However, this sheeps breathing apparatus contained more protein than a T-Bone Steak.

We continue our hangover journey with a few of the shitty ways to feel better:

Hungary

Sparrow Poo in Brandy

A popular hangover food from Hungary is langos (a deep fried dough),  but there is also another way to get back on your feet. Just mix some sparrow droppings in a glass of brandy and you should be good as new in no time.

Who needs ice cubes when you’ve got perfectly good bird shit in your own back garden?  May prove difficult to catch the little blighter first!

Wild West – USA

Tea & Rabbit Droppings

A Cowboys remedy was to have tea with rabbit droppings included so this makes the second hangover cure with poo in it. Which begs the question; Could it be that maybe poo has some special powers? 

But before you go and shit it a glass of milk, lets look at some of the other weird practices that go on in the world. 

Ever regretting sweating?  You maybe if you follow the next few:

Russia

Sauna & Birch Branches

Russia’s edible hangover cures include; Malosolnije (naturally fermented cucumbers), Ogurtsy (dill pickles in brine) and Solyanka, a hangover soup popular in Russia and Ukraine (which is a combination of sausage, cured meats, rich broth, olives, capers and more). However on top of all those goodies there is also a cleansing ritual the Russians recommend to feel as good as new.

First you hit the sauna to sweat out any toxins following a good old slap with birch branches all about your body. The twigs are supposed to have a healthy effect and once you have whipped yourself into shape you will probably need a double vodka and a lie down in a dark room.

Native Americans

Running & Licking Sweat

Some Native American tribes to alleviate their hangover go for a run with the perseverance and stamina of Forrest Gump and speed of Usain Bolt working up a sweat to get out all the poison that lurks deep within from the bottom of  bottle.  Another member of the tribe would then lick the sweat from the runner and spit the toxins out.

However, if you’re feeling half dead in the morning then the chances are that you won’t be able to walk let alone run!

Onto the next - When life gives you lemons, rub them in your armpits!

Puerto Rico

Lemon Armpits

In Puerto Rico before an evening of indulgence, a slice of lemon (or lime) is massaged into the armpit of their drinking arm.  According to the legend, your armpit will absorb the lemon juice, which helps to treat dehydration,.  However in reality does it just leave you feeling sticky and smelling tangy like a floor cleaner

Japan

Sour Pickled Plums

This pickled cure from Japan is called an ume which is like a plum or apricot and is pickled to the point of puckering, ultra-salty and ultra-sour and used for years to treat hangovers. 

I guess it only works by instantly making you throw up and improving your condition slightly.  A great alternative for the more boring traditional recipe of miso soup which is said to fix the nausea and stop the banging drum in your head.

Turkey

Just a load of Tripe!

A thick soup made from using an animals stomach boiled with garlic, onion, and sometimes cream and is the logic behind Turkeys hangover cure and to be eaten for both preventing and curing a massive alcoholic aftermath.

But your troubled guts may be gutted when this starts hitting the pit of your stomach as how long will it stay there?

Germany

Roll out the Rollmops

Belly full of beer? Bowled over by the Bowle (German punch) gorging on Sket (German champers) it’s time for katerfrühstück, or "the morning after breakfast." 

Forget the full English and be ready for a plate of rollmops (raw, pickled herring) wrapped around pieces of gherkin and onion. Gorgeous!

Italy

Bulls Penis Jerky

Come on if you think you’re hard enough!  You really do need to have the balls to chew on this one.  Sicilians with hangovers would recommend a good old gnaw on dried bull penis to restore virility or perhaps make your brain stop you from eating any more.

Perhaps not something you would be able to purchase in your local Lidl and also a dog treat.

Namibia

Buffalo Milk

The one thing this hangover remedy doesn’t include is the milk from Buffalos!  Weird, but true!

It's just clotted cream (from cows), dark rum, spiced rum, cream liqueur, and whole cream.

Consuming this calorific cure may well bring on a further hangover as well an expanding waistline, but the sugar rush is supposed to take away the bad feeling.

Canada

Poutine

Crowds of revellers can be found digging into piping hot bowls of the stuff late at night or the next day. 

It is a hearty dish of  french fries, fresh cheese curds, and brown gravy famous for its "day after" curative powers.  Poutine is known to be crazily delicious with all the tastes coming together beautifully, no matter how odd the combination may sound to the uninitiated. 

The hot fries and steaming gravy gently melt the cheese and as they melt they change each other’s' textures and flavours along the way.

Sounds for once like a hot hangover cure!

Mongolia

Pickled Sheep’s Eyeballs in Tomato Juice

For the most disgusting of all bound to cause a technicolored yawn even to the strongest of stomachs already suffering bouts of nausea, it has got to be the Mongolian way of getting the hangover not to hang around any longer than required. 

A cocktail made of tomato juice and pickled sheep’s eyeballs, both of them and not a hint of Worcester sauce in sight!

Philippines

Fertilised Duck Embryo

Some countries seem to apply the logic that if you eat something more repulsive than a hangover, the hangover will improve, and the Philippines is one of them.

Balut is a duck embryo boiled in the egg. But before you can get stuck in you have to make a hole in the egg and suck out the juices, feast on the yolk and then tuck into the quack with feathers and everything.

Quacking!

Haiti

Voodoos Revenge

Some Haitian voodoo practitioners took revenge on the bottle by sticking pins into the cork that caused their soul sapping swelling the melon, busted brainbucket condition to come about in the first place.  It’s a voodoo ritual when taking a break from the traditional sticking needles into little dolls!

Vietnam

Ground Rhino Horn

Why and how could anyone wake up one day and think I know a fabulous cure for a hangover and it involves a horn to be removed from a rhino which needs to be grinded up and added it to hot water?  Not only is it a myth but cruel!

U.S.A

Raw Eggs

The Prairie Oyster comes in many variations, but all include Worcestershire sauce, hot sauce, salt and pepper and a whole raw egg.

Down the hatch and hope it stays there! Optional ingredients can be vodka, ketchup or tomato juice, and vinegar and maybe salmonella.

Eggs Benedict

In 1894, New York socialite Samuel Benedict invented the quintessential morning after meal while recovering from a big night out. He asked the Waldorf Astoria hotel staff to whip him up his own creation, now known as Eggs Benedict: half an English muffin, topped with bacon or ham, poached eggs, and rich Hollandaise sauce.

Hangover Heaven

In Las Vegas, a company called Hangover Heaven picks you up and drives you around on their bus for an hour whilst you’re cured by an IV drip, which injects a chemical solution continuously that actually fixes your hangover. Weird, but unlike most things on this list, very effective.

 

Closer to Home……

Ireland

No River Dancing

According to Irish legend, the best way to cure a hangover is to get buried up to your neck in wet river sand. However due to the cold climate of Ireland this method equates to having a cold shower or sitting in a bath of ice which no doubt would get anyone’s blood pumping and wake and shake off any of the brain ache and fog felt.  However, icy, not nicey and could also result in pneumonia!  A most welcome glass of irish hospitality and poteen would be needed to warm the cockles and not your heart!

Scotland

Irn Brew Gets You Through

The drink of choice is used to cook these cylindrical cut sausages in. A tasty way to cure hangovers and less calories than deep fried Mars bars!

 

Even closer to home…. Some tips …….

Grease up before you go. One longstanding remedy is to take a spoonful of olive oil before a party. Some swear by it!   However if this option is too slippery then eating a pizza or other fatty food has the same effect. Both are said to grease the intestines, so the alcohol takes longer to absorb.

Don’t mix - despite the age-old adage “liquor-then-beer-you’re-in-the-clear, beer-then-liquor-you’ve-never-been-sicker.”

Vodka has the least ‘hangover-causing’ toxins in them, especially congeners (produced when the alcohol is fermented and the more congeners there are the worse your hangover). compared to other dark liquors like scotch and whisky.  White wine and gin contain much less congeners. 

Avoid the bubbles as around two-thirds of people get drunker faster when they drink champagne, or other carbonated drinks like prosecco or cava.

On that note; Drinking fizzy drinks speed up the rate at which alcohol is absorbed into your system so a vodka & cranberry is better than a vodka & coke.

Blame it on the boogie! 

Scientific results show if you wear yourself out, you will get even more dehydrated and deplete your energy levels much faster.  So, pace the space and throwing of the shapes!

Don’t Cross the line!

It takes your body around an hour to break down just 1 unit of alcohol (basically a shot) pass through at your own peril.

Stock up on the ibuprofen and only take the recommended dose.

Drink lots of water.  Sports drinks, coconut water, or bouillon soup restore the salt and potassium you’ve lost.  Isotonic drinks are the best for working wonders on hangovers and provide the energy you so badly need whilst rehydrating you.

Dioralyte sachets are another item to have in your medical emergencies which restore depleted salts and minerals.

Where it comes to food in preference to a liquid lunch or dinner remember foods like broccoli, kale, lemon, turmeric and beetroot are great for your liver.

Depending on how bad you feel, a full English canhelp replace fatty acids and break down the alcohol floating around in your liver and if you can’t face the full fry up just go for the eggs as they contain taurine, which has been shown to even reverse liver damage caused by alcohol!

Of course, toast is god!  Some believe eating burnt toast will help, with the charred carbon crust filtering out impurities much like a carbon water filter.  Or go crackers!  Another option for those with very fragile stomachs. 

You won’t be feeling fruity, but a banana could help to inject some much-needed potassium back into that weary body. Or if you actually want to make a real difference in your hangover, then a banana milkshake may do the trick. It can refuel an aching body after a long night out. Just combine a banana with 1/2 cup milk and a few ice cubes. The potent combination is high in Vitamin B, which is severely depleted from overindulgence. It also replaces electrolytes and potassium and is soothing to the stomach.

Fruit juice provides a sugar.  Milk replaces the calcium you've lost, while ginger tea or anything gingery (not whisky & ginger) can help with the waves of nausea.  For centuries, people have taken ginger to reduce nausea and vomiting. Try nibbling crystallized ginger in the aftermath of a night of drinking. A combination of ginger, tangerine pith, and brown sugar before drinking decreases nausea and vomiting.

Another option is milk thistle tea, a hangover hero or boiled water with honey and lemon can boost your blood sugar whilst giving you back some vitamins.

Avoid coffee as it's a diuretic and causes your body to lose water quickly and can bring on sweats and heart palpitations.

Research has shown taking  prickly pear extract five  hours before drinking reduced risk for severe hangover by 50 percent.

Sleep - Go back to bed. A hangover isn't caused by lack of sleep, but that makes it worse. Take a long nap the day after:  It’s the body’s way of healing itself.

There’s also no evidence that the so-called “hair of the dog” technique (has any effectiveness whatsoever. It might temporarily dull your senses, making you less aware of the hangover symptoms and ease your pain for a few hours but it will only make the crash even worse when you get to that point.

Along with all the other joys of a hangover, you might also find yourself prey to hypersensitivity with things like bright lights or loud music.

So get your sunglasses to the ready and give thanks to Victoria Beckham for making it trendy to look like a beetle.

And finally, there’s one proven cure: Time.

It takes 8 to 24 hours for symptoms to disappear.

The most effective solution is also the most obvious as for now and eternity there’s only one way to avoid a hangover:

Don’t drink!