A boiled egg every morning is hard to beat.

The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant, so the manager decided to dim sum.

Where do you find giant snails? On the ends of giants’ fingers.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

I really wanted a camouflage shirt, but I couldn't find one.

The grammarian was very logical. He had a lot of comma sense.

She had a photographic memory but never developed it.

What do you call a person rabid with wordplay? An energizer punny.

I've been to the dentist many times, so I know the drill. 

What did one plant say to another? What's stomata?

The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.

A chicken crossing the road is truly poultry in motion.

The politician is not one for Indian food. But he's good at currying favors.

How do construction workers party? They raise the roof.

 When a woman returns new clothing, that's post traumatic dress syndrome.

After hours of waiting for the bowling alley to open, we finally got the ball rolling.

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was brilliant!

Always trust a glue salesman. They tend to stick to their word.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress

No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.

I was struggling to figure out how lightning works then it struck me.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you will get repossessed.

Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!

A pessimist's blood type is always B-negative.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
What did the cow say to the calf – its pasture bedtime!

Not feline well?  Call the purramedic

Why are skunks so emotional – their filled with scent-i- ment