Oletko onnellinen (Are you Happy?)
According to the 2019 Happiness Report, Finland is the happiest country in the world – NOT ANYMORE!
Why? – Welcome joukko wallies (bunch of wallies) aka The Apprentice candidates in Week 7’s advertising task.
Lord Sugar asked the candidates to head to Finland to create an innovative advertising campaign to entice UK tourists to visit during summer. He may as well have been talking to himself!
Instead he got a video of Lewis showcasing his tattoos and talents – umm that’s not right – he got a video of Lewis showcasing his tattoos and lack of talents – correction he just got a video of Lewis and his tattoos with music that had nothing to do with either the storyboard or the country!
Jemelin’s rationale for being considered to be PM was that she had been to a lot of places and was a sun seeker which considering there is an average of 1802 hours of sunlight per year (of a possible 4383) with an average of 4:56 of sunlight per day what does that have to do with the price of Leipäjuusto ja lakkahilloa (Bread cheese with Cloudberry Jam). Ryan Mark also announced his relevant experience but held his cards close to his chest in wanting to be a front runner for the role of PM, whilst Marianne wanting to be considered banged on about people skills and all marching to the beat of the same drum. But is it a Kumu Drum Marianne? I don’t think it is or ever will be in your case!
Marianne got to be PM choosing Jemelin as her Sub Leader allocating her, Ryan Mark and Pamela to go to Finland to make the advert whilst she and Thomas stayed in good old blighty to produce a billboard.
On the other team with Dean as PM, the expectation was set – Low! Not known for his ideas or creative flow, this is a man who when watching him be inventive was not unlike a long walk in tight shoes – Painful! His Sub was Lottie – a woman who a little goes a long way! Coming from good stock where children should be seen and not heard, one is very disappointed she hasnt taken this into her adulthood!
Lewis who has worked in travel a statement that probably needs to be diluted as he worked as a holiday rep and therefore probably went to one destination, stayed at the destination whilst being a rep or perhaps the one who organised the pub crawls and decided which holidaymaker would be the next notch on his cheap headboard and then came home! He, Scarlett & Lottie were the chosen ones to travel to Finland and create the ad. After all Lewis used to hang out with a Finnish girl at university so why wouldn’t he be chosen?
At the airport the Kolmikko (finnish for threesome) utilise their time effectively devising and talking through a storyboard they created for their TV advert in the style of Lowry with an array of matchstick people getting up to numerous activities which would make everyone to rush out and purchase a one way ticket to Finland!
Cue Lewis who announced he will be taking on the role of director as he can see the vision stating it was going to look great – quit the braggarting you noddy & just crack on lad with the task in hand!
On Jemelin’s group there was just a discussion no proper planning and not even the single hair of a matchstick person drawn onto anything, not even the back of a fag packet to refer to.
Jemelin could visualise a sauna and a jacuzzi, wanting to create something to show the love of two people saying I want to be in Finland – but what is the something Jemelin – do share!
Cue Karen who summarised Jemelin’s team as being a bit wishy washy whilst confirming without a plan it would be very difficult. Karen is as always right – her powers of the bleeding obvious are becoming more bleeding obvious as the weeks go by!
Getting carried away with the love of two people Jemelin wanted active hugging and kissing in preference to non-active hugging and kissing – wow Jemelin you have such a descriptive talent – for that alone you should be crowned the winner!
In Central London Marianne & Thomas worked together to create a logo for their campaign – Marianne found managing Thomas no easy task but she had a cuning plan to treat him with a soft touch to get better results - soft in the head as Thomas has mystical powers of persuasion.
Carina & Dean are also brainstorming having already got their strapline being ‘Explore Finland - Experience endless adventures’
Carina asks Dean Have you got any ideas? Who replies What do you think? Carina presents some ideas and then concentrates on colour asking Dean; What colour? Dean replies What you thinking? It was like putting toothpaste back in the tube! Carina persisted and enquired any other immediate ideas? Dean replied ‘yeah, umm……. Umm sums it up nicely Dean!
Cue Claude who also identifies the lack of contribution from Dean and whose only idea has been to ask Carina what her idea is!
Let loose in Finland each team was ready to roll. Smell the trees! Don’t smell them, hug them – it will provide positive energy where any stress and anxiety will just disappear!
Ryan Mark falls out of hammock – poor weight distribution! The key to trying to sit in a hammock is to go central and you have got to be 100% committed. Plonk yourself right in there! It didn’t happen Ryan Mark so no good complaining!
Instead of falling out of a hammock Lewis has a sweat on and why - because he has been shooting the first scene of their backpacker advert and why is he sweating because he is not only the director but the leading actor as well - but what more would one expect from such a team player!
Back to the forest spa retreat where Jemelin is promoting post Pride getaway – she wants it romantic and then the scenery – Action .... more panoramic shots. In Jemelin’s world you can film for 17 hours and put it into 30 seconds – get ready to sweat Ryan Mark and don’t forget that she is the leader and whatever she says goes!
In Central London working on the concept for the Piccadilly billboard Dean and Carina are remembering the back-packing theme – what do you think Dean? Carina wants to escape the gloom of London to Finland where morning, afternoon or night can be experienced. Dean is still thinking of an answer!
Meanwhile Thomas is selling his vision of a couple at the Helsinki Pride event. Next, they are sitting in jacuzzi – Bosh! Did you know that the true meaning of Bosh is nonsense/rubbish – You dissing Finland Thomas?
Marianne wants them to dance in their little VT showing Thomas and his plus 1 doing the moves. Do the lawnmower shouts Thomas – absolutely! Given that Finland comes in at No 41 in terms of sense of humour – I’m not sure that doing a dance that resembles starting and then taking your lawnmower for a walk will raise a smile! Marianne in her American rose coloured sunnies expresses ‘Awesome’! With the U.S.A coming right behind Britain in their sense of humour this explains her enthusiasm for something off beam and off task!
Cue Thomas who honestly thinks that people will go to Finland on the back of this advert – Bosh. Yes, Bosh indeed Thomas!
Dean and Carina feel that they need to put the fun back into Finland and for their billboard ad they want to look as though they are having a ball– laughing as if Dean told a good joke – for this to happen it would be similar to be given a rabies shot!
In Finland Lewis shoots the final scene whilst Jemelin reminds anyone who wishes to listen of her important role in this task. ‘I am the Director, I am directing’. Ryan Mark suggests which goes down like a lead balloon and a big ‘Excuse Me’ spills from the now director diva’s lips. Are you crazy? Have some respect! Alright Mariah keep your lip gloss on!
Ryan what were you thinking of? Do not speak to Mariah the day before a performance let alone whilst during a performance. She cannot under any circumstances speak ahead of performing. If anyone wants to communicate with her, they must do so through writing or sign language so that she can preserve her voice. Are you crazy???
Cue Ryan Mark feels Jemelin is a dictator who just shouts over the top of others, zooming past him like a headless chicken. With no storyboard he feels the time has not been spent well.
The billboard teams place the finishing touches and Marianne is all about capturing the scenery Finland has to offer concerned that there is too much Helsinki Pride and not enough trees to hug!
Cue Karen who is in sync feeling that the focus is too much on the Helsinki pride event – she questions - How would you know you were in Finland? Good call Karen!
Dean is reviewing his highlights feeling he might win a bafta which melt away like snow from a fire – one wonders was he dropped on his head as an infant?
Carina feels the logo is better on black – umm selling the sun Carina how does that work? Deluded Dean is still banging on about the possibility that tomorrow people will be telling him that he is that guy from that billboard – his acting debut sticks out like a dick on a statue – One you cant help but look at but wished you hadn’t bothered!
For Marianne's team their escape to Finland where Pride meets joy maybe is an imbalance of too much pride even though Helsinki pride is a massive selling point but does it scream Finland and make everyone want to pack a case and run out of the house – nearest destination – an airport?
Lewis the marketing guru feels that the black is not right and instead states 1000% white – not just 100% but a 1000% - this guy is good! He feels that it is not the most amazing billboard but puts this down to these guys not working marketing and dramatically announces its down to the video - not the one you directed and starred in Lewis?
Scarlett whose eyebrows have made more of an impact on this task than her finally pipes up and states that when she looks at the black to her it means no sun. It’s good to get up each morning as though your hair were on fire Scarlett rather than wait for Day 3 to have an opinion!
Time to get some feedback from the public on the billboard placed in Piccadilly Circus Europe’s largest billboard
In summary yes LGBTQ/openminded country/but more like an advert for pride all about an event rather than Finland!
Marianne feeling uneasy is already prepared to throw Thomas under the 48 bus seen in Piccadilly Circus by stating he will be in charge of any counter argument as it appears that this is a promotion of Helsinki Pride and has little to do with Finland!
Carina and Dean visit Piccadilly to see their billboard and to get some opinions from people first-hand. With Dean asking yes/no questions it was difficult to get an actual opinion – although could you see the sun and no being the answer said a lot! Did the advert make people want to go? No, it’s corny! Bafta still happening Dean?
Editing their video with the first scene and Ryan Mark sitting on the edge of a hot tub with his robe open just enough for the imagination to be jolted back to the bike task! And breathe…. They need to cut some scenes but Jemelin feels the sauna is Finland – given that the sauna originates from Finland and most of Finland have built in saunas in their homes for once Mariah is using her diva director ways more constructively!
Cue Karen who feels the advert looks more like a holiday spa advert as there is more to Finland than just a hot tub and an indoor sauna! (break it to the nation gently Karen!)
Lewis gets into the groove sorting out the music to go with the video. Scarlett says a big fat no to I am giant. Lewis likes the song even though no one else does. Are you happy with-it Lottie? No, she replies, but we havent got time, let’s move on! Time is one thing you wont have Lottie once your fired and back in the library sorting the returned trolley!
Lonely planet HQ is the destination for the pitch - Dean choses himself, Scarlett and Lewis for the pitch being out of his comfort zone and desperate to make a good impression on Lord Sugar.
Dean states the difference between a good pitch and a bad pitch is massive! What’s the difference between being thrown from the 15th and 16th floor – nothing they both kill you like Deans stupid is as stupid does’ statements.
Marianne chooses Thomas, herself and Ryan Mark feeling that one person who has been to Finland is fine!
A panel of industry experts from Finland and travel are the ones to impress, all ready and waiting to be stunned by the choice of two fantastic campaigns. If this is the case, they have come to the wrong place and instead they must sit through two very poor irrelevant pitches.
Marianne starts by explaining it’s all about romance for the LGBTQ+ however she fails to be able to verbalise the right letters in the right order and her delivery becomes as welcome as a fart in a lift.
Thomas plays the billboard believing it is a strong selling point and seems a tad surprised when challenged that the issue is too much focus on one event which is only for one week in the summer. (I think Thomas thought the event was ongoing!)
Ryan Mark jumps in ignoring the negativity as he would love to show them what they made - Action and hello their video of him perching on the side of a hot tub – Escape to Finland where pride meets joy! But how does this advert relate to Finland, the bloke from Finland asks. The travel expert also is confused – ‘It felt like it could be anywhere in the world!’.
As they dissect their performance and the feedback from the panel, they conclude it was intense and the two colleagues not in the pitch say it was rough to watch. Accusingly Marianne turns on them, ‘so you think you should have been there instead of me?’ Cue Jemelin who is of the opinion she could have turned it around.
Dean, Lewis and Scarlett’s turn with Scarlett explaining they had designed and developed a sleek logo. Deans turn and he wants them to know they offered a fresh approach wanting to mainline, sorry streamline – what is he on about now? The USP – 24 hours of sun – and yet they have chosen a black image challenges the panel. Scarlett is quick to take control and their rationale for using black is its more striking, yet they appreciate such feedback – really Scarlett it doesn’t sound that way!
Lewis is excited as in his world it’s all about the images not the words. After the video was shared the man from Finland says the video has been made like a music video, yet the music had nothing to do with Finland. Camera on Lewis looking uncomfortable - not so much the big bollock producer/director and actor now!
Outside Scarlett is quick to congratulate - well done everyone! For what exactly Scarlett? Dean feels he thinks they liked the concept but ready with his get out clause, it wasn’t me gov in the boardroom saying Lewis did not potentially deliver. - we see what you are doing Dean - move away from blame culture as pointing fingers is unncessary - unless its Lord Sugars which is different and there have been times during this series where you wish he had more pointy fingers and fired the lot of you!
Tomorrow a trip to the boardroom! So, who is going to be fired?...... lets hope more than one!
Fancy doing the lawnmower? click below & off you go .....